Dreams of hydrangeas
by autumn-leaf16
Summary: A series of Benkei X OC Haruka 3 one shots all the one shot are independent from one another . Includes spoiler for the game, especially the Benkei route. Many of the stories contain character death and tend to be angst.
1. web

_**Author's note :**_ _**I must be quite crazy as this story is an OC, not the PC. This OC is not even the priestess or a girl from the future.. I feel that to a certain extent, Nozomi and the other PC in the games actually has quite a character of her own, which is why I feel that I rather use an OC instead of a PC.**_

_**But I haven't played Haruka 3, I've only played Harkua 2. But due to seeing the OVA I got really curious about Benkei's character and I really wanted to know why he joined the Heiki family. So I went to read reviews and comments about the game, and eventually found someone who was kind enough to give a plot summary.**_

_**This story is an internal monologue by Benkei and it is a bit obscure, but it involves an OC.**_

* * *

The flowers that I am throwing into the lake are all your favourite flowers, are they not? I am only throwing flowers that you like, there are no hydrangeas there. Do you think my preference of the flower is a coincidence?

They are the same flowers that I used to give you whenever I sneak into your room or secretly met you in the garden. I like to believe that you did not lie when you told me that you liked them more then your new jewelleries.

Do you still remember how you used to say that they were the keys to your room, so I have to bring them when I come to see you? I can still see your smile when you received these flowers and hold them against your kimono- which are now patterned with flowers.

I often think of our very first meeting, when you were dressed in a plain kimono with your only accessory being a simple hair ribbon. But even then you were very beautiful.

Then they dressed you in fine kimono and used gold and silver to decorate you. You might not have grow up with these items but you were more beautiful then any of the other ladies.

The illegitimate daughter that suddenly turned up will not have a very high position in the house, but it is still higher then mine. Yet you did not forget me- is it because you noticed that I never once turned my gaze away from you since the moment you entered?

I told you from the very start, didn't I? I am a very unworthy man as all that I have done is to cause misery onto everyone. I shouldn't even have been born.

People whisper about my past as they tried to guess why I suddenly leave the Heiki family and worked for the Genji family. Is it because I am a rapist like my birth father? Was I escaping because I violated one of the daughters of the house? Or did I indulge in a game that went too far because my victim believed that I truly loved her and so wanted to marry me? Was I kicked out of the house for having played with her heart?

The few people who think otherwise are probably my brother and nephew along with Kuro, the few people who are still wiling to think well of me despite the fact that I went to work in the Genji family and continued to work there.

"After all," I have heard many people say, "if he really loved her then he would not remain in the Genji family since they were responsible for her death. He must just have been playing around."

The ironic thing is, Kaen, that they are more accurate then they think. I am responsible for your death not just because my absence caused you to leave the safety of your homes and be caught by the Genji family.

You and I both know why you died, it wasn't because you turned ill due to being a prisoner. The poison was forced into your mouth by my kiss, and you had no way to spit it out.

But Kaen, you still don't know the real reason do you?

You refuse to listen to me though; you refused to listen at that time as well.

I didn't want you to suffer, Kaen. I snuck into their camp the moment I heard about your capture but I couldn't think of a way to save you. In the end, the only thing I could do was to prevent you from being violated even further. I have heard what they planned to do to you and I can not allow that to happen.

But I must have a talent for making things end up much worse as you died hating me. After all, isn't this why you are here? Why I have to be your murderer a second time.

My actions are a mockery because you are still in this world. If I turn around then I can hand these flowers to you, but I don't think you will accept them.

* * *

I am not overly fond of Kumano, to tell the truth. I would have died here a few moments after my birth if the one who should have wanted me to die the most didn't interfere. Not only did my life begin as a contradiction- when a man who was meant to renounce worldly desires took a woman by force, it also continues due to a contradiction. (1)

My childhood was not very happy either, my mother ended up being very good at ignoring me completely, while her husband saw his single act of kindness as being enough.

I think it is too.

Yet it was not a completely grim childhood as my brother was very kind to me, and I am still very happy at his love for me. But this sole solace was quickly torn away from me because my sister-in-law's family refused to have me in the same house as their precious daughter.

Why do I keep on getting compared to a man that I hate?

Then I became a monk, and as I have told you, I was a very bad one. Picking fights and drinking all the time. I would probably have been kicked out if I didn't quit myself.

Yes, it was also because I slept with some women. I thought I was good at concealing stuff until you said that there is more to the story. Do you remember how you made me swear that I would never do such a thing again, that I would be loyal to you forever?

Well, I have kept my promise. I sometimes flirt and laugh with other girls, including the priestess, but that is only to prevent people from working out the truth. I can't let them know what I really feel.

I think all along I secretly desired to be of some use to the world, to be able to help someone. That is why I become a kusushi. (2)

Yet this is how I ended up hurting all these people.

But I have another reason to dislike Kumano after your death. I arrived in Kumano alone when you should have been beside me.

* * *

You are different from me, Kaen and the problem is that we couldn't understand one another's point. Was fate doing me a favour or cursing me when it let you enter my room and find me packing?

You wanted to come with me because you love me so much, but that is why I couldn't let you come with me.

"I can not make you happy, Kaen." I told you truthfully, gently pushing you back in order to stop you kissing me. If you kissed me one more time then I might really be intoxicated enough to take you with me.

"Benkei… don't you love me?" out of all the things you've said to me, that had hurt the most.

"Of course I do." You didn't believe me then, and I feel that you still don't believe me. But I really was not lying.

"Then why do you wish to leave me?"

You began to cry and I realised that I really am not good at dealing with tears. Have I ever been good at doing so? I always seem to try to distract you from crying by doing physical things like kissing your tears away or giving you suffocating embraces.

But I couldn't do it then.

I almost gave in, but then I remember that I am a sinner and such a man deserves no happiness. I had just destroyed the guardian of our world and therefore doomed the whole country into this chaos. How dare I be happy?

Most of all, how dare I let you be the wife of such a man?

That is why I was so obedient to your father's order of leaving. It wasn't because I am afraid, but because I thought that this was the best thing for you- to be rid of me and therefore forget about me.

I should have realised that because you are different from me, you will react in a different way. You are not afraid to chase after me because you refused to just sit back and accept what happened to you. Is that why you are here beside me again?

Oh, I know that you are also capable of wanting revenge and doing what you need to get it. After all, isn't that why you are pulled back into this world?

I am sorry but you cannot be the one who kill me, it must be Nozomi and it must only be done at that time. But don't worry, it won't be long.

* * *

The time has come, Kaen, for this whole mess to end. Nozomi will be able to stop what I had caused to happen. She will create the future after she helps me to see the end of what I did. (3)

Yes, I spun more lies in order to let this end. Do you remember how I once found you trying to make a handkerchief for me? You actually wanted to stitch the hydrangea on. I remember how you had a bundle of thread at your feet and you told me that instead of trying to untangle a knot, you just pulled on the string, causing the whole thing to get tangled up even more.

I had to lie in order to correct my mistake but one lie promoted another. I ended up spinning a web that is a mess. A web that I can no longer untangle.

Now I am the very worst type of men- a traitor to both the woman I love as well as the man who trusted me as a brother.

Why…why do you appear so sad? This is no more then what I deserve. No, this is already more then what I deserve because you are beside me although you still refuse to talk to me.

I don't care what people will say of me as long as I achieve my goals. Besides, I don't deserve forgiveness when I am the one who caused the people to have all these suffering in the first place.

Most of all…what I did to you…

Sometimes I think I am punished not for the actual result, but for my arrogance. Arrogance in thinking that I could stop the curse myself, arrogance at thinking that I can decide what is the best for everyone, arrogance in thinking that I was right while you were wrong.

We were like Nozomi once; we believed that we can have happiness just because we desired it. We thought that we could marry and live happily together just because we loved each other.

We'll have to seek for happiness in the next life, Kaen.

* * *

_(1) The real Benkei has many stories around his birth and many say that he is the product of rape, even though the Benkei in the game seem to be legitimate. But for the purpose of this story I want to use this idea._

_(2) Just in case- Kusushi is the word they used to describe Benkei's job, it's an archaic word for doctor._

_(3) This is a reference to one of his character songs._

* * *

_**Author's note:**_ _**the story is actually quite crazy. It started of as a third person narrative that focused on Beneki, but then I changed it to a first person narrative as I thought that is much more suitable. However, near the end it became a first person internal monologue. I then decided that this form is the most suitable.**_

_**I feel that the story is quite obscure so what happened in a nutshell is this: Benkei was working as the doctor/herbalist of the Heiki family and soon after his arrival, Kaen arrived. Kaen is the illegitimate daughter of one of the Heiki family, although I never said who her father is. But she was sent to the household in the hope of being able to make a good marriage due to being acknowledge by her father .**_

_**She and Benkei become lovers but then the black dragon incident happened. After he caused the black dragon to disappear, Benkei actually planed to run away. However, Ken came and he told her that he can't make her happy, so she shouldn't follow him.**_

_**But she chased after him and ended up being captured by the Genji clan, and he decided to kill her because he doesn't want her to be raped and tourtured, which was what the soldiers planned to do to her. I actually don't see this bit as OOC because I feel that he is someone who is capable of making such a decision. His decision in regard to the fire-attack in chapter 3 seems to indicate this.**_

_**But due to this, she becomes a onryuu.**_

_**In the beginning, when he is throwing flowers, she is actually paying him a visit but later on, she will end up staying with him- probably after his betrayal. Benkei will still offer Nozomi to Kiyomori and then make Nozomi purify him when Kiyormi possessed his body, Kaen will then**_ **_die with him._**


	2. traitor

**"Traitor"**

* * *

_**Summary:**_ _**The bandit's attack on the village they were staying in made Benkei recollect a very similar event that happened to him two years ago.**_

* * *

The village was burning due to bandits…just like that village two years ago.

But there was an important difference: heroes were at this village.

Heroes were helping the villagers so he better leave in order to let this continue being true.

"I will end it." Benkei whispered as he turned away and took the first step towards the Heiki clan. "I have to end it."

* * *

_He had been walking and running as all that he knew was that he had to get away from __the Heiki family, although this was only a temporary evasion. He was the one who caused this mess, so he must think of a way to stop this._

_But he didn't know how!_

"_Where am I?" he asked out aloud._

_H__e remembered arriving in a small village that he intended to buy some food from as it had been days since he last ate. The last thing he remembered was feeling extremely dizzy._

"_You are awake!" saying so, a young woman walked into the small room with a bowl of ginger soup._

"_Mother says that I must give this to you when you wake up." She told him. "You fainted outside our house as you have a fever._

_H__e had a fever? Benkei felt a sense of failure due to hearing that he had a fever that he didn't even know about._

"_We'll look after you until you get better. But I am very sorry to tell you that we don't have a doctor in the village so…"_

"_It is alright, I'm one." He said with an ironic smile._

_Not a very good one though, he thought, since he would end up bringing great pain onto everyone due to what he did._

* * *

_H__is sins would not have increased if he just left, but he foolishly decided to stay. The village had no doctor and he reasoned that temporarily filling this position was the best solution: he would be able to help people while he figured out what to do._

_The villagers were overjoyed at having a doctor so they gave him lodging and the family that took him in even gave him some blanket and bedding. Because of this, he learnt more about her._

_She was called Kaen and was the daughter of two very ordinary villagers who farmed liked everyone else. She had younger siblings who she was quite fond of along with friends that she gossiped with._

"_But what about a sweetheart?" he teased, wanting to see her blush, "You are twenty years old."_

_She was a very ordinary girl with nothing astonishing about her and he couldn't help but to wonder whether he could ever have such a life._

_He did not flirt with her, what he usually would do to a girl that he found attractive enough. This was because he didn't want her to smile at him due to a false reason._

* * *

_Her younger __brother was sick and when he went to check the boy, he found her telling him a story about a tennyo. A slightly happy version: the man hid her garments but quickly gave it back to her. She then stayed with him out of her own will. Although this story was still tragic as the marriage did not last long, since she was forced, by the people of heaven, to put on her garment and leave him._

"_I__ don't really like that story." Kaen said, she insisted on walking him to his home. "Why should she have to leave him if she loves him?"_

_A__ young girl naturally liked the romantic version but he found the darker version more suitable. A man who did all that he could in order to let her stay, even forcing her against his wills, only to have her slid out from his grasp as she went to a place that he couldn't follow._

_N__o, the man probably knew that he would eventually lose her as he was a sinner. The sinners get what they deserve. (1)_

_T__his young woman beside him…he was sure that he was in love with her and he desired her. But how could a sinner like him ask for such a thing?_

* * *

_H__e was a selfish man- he told her that he love her and allowed him to enjoy a happiness that he did not deserve. He lied to her when he promised her that they would be happy together. Even then, he knew that such a thing was impossible._

_They were going to get married and she was overjoyed. He was happy too, but he couldn't help but to feel a sense of dread. Could he really have this happiness?_

"_Benkei, you aren't regretting this, are you?" she asked worriedly on the eve of their wedding._

"_Of course not!" he told her sincerely. He was constantly embracing and kissing her because he felt a desperate need to proof that she really was here. "It is just that I am worried about whether I can make you happy."_

"_You love me, don't you?" to her, that was enough._

"_It is funny but tomorrow would mark the end of a year." Kaen suddenly said. "It has been a whole year since the day I first saw you."_

_A whole year where he had been happy, but it would only last for a year._

* * *

_H__er bridal kimono was the centre of many envy and admiration as the groom had spent more money than necessary. The pattern on the kimono was very similar to the wings of the butterflies that he used to see in Kumano, and he felt that she was like a butterfly when she danced._

_W__hen he was a child, he always wondered what it was like to be able to live so freely, without any restraint._

_T__he newly married couple were the ones who started to dance, and they were in the very centre of the crowd. The young bride in her fancy kimono was a much more conspicuous figure then her groom._

_T__hat was why the arrow was aimed at her._

_Benkei felt a quick wave of wind flying past him, but before he could even react, the arrow had found its mark._

"_Kaen, I will save you, I promise." He whispered._

_B__y now, the wedding was a mess as bandits were rampaging through their village, setting fire on the houses and trying to kill the adult males. _

_No one seemed to notice the two of them, what was there to notice about two corpses? (2)_

"_Benkei…I am so sorry, I got this kimono dirty." Kaen was muttering. "I know that you spend a lot of money on it._

_The arrow was dug out and he tore his own clothes to press over her wounds, trying to stop the blood. Yet the way that her mind was wondering showed how serious it was: she should really be panicking about being shot instead of worrying about blood being on her kimono._

"_Please don't leave me!" he pleaded._

_She was l__ike the butterflies he sought to catch when he was still a child: they would always fly away just when he thought that he could close his hands over them._

"_Benkei-niisan!"_

_I__t was one of her brothers…one of his brothers now. The boy was crying, clearly very frightened and it took Benkei quite some time to pry the boy's grip off his cloth._

"_Stay here and guard her." He ordered. "I will be right back."_

* * *

_I__t was probably the worst wedding anyone has ever attended or took part in. For a start, the wedding was also the start of the groom's widowhood since his bride died just after they got married._

_T__he villagers found him standing beside his dead bride and his very frightened brother-in-law with the bodies of many bandits beside them, the blade of his naginata still dripping._

_He left the very next day._

_He__ knelt down in front of her grave and placed hydrangeas on it, and then he just turned and walked away from the village._

"_This is my punishment." Benkei whispered to himself, not bothering to wipe his tears._

_He left the village carrying a much heavier burden then what he arrived with._

_Kaen's death was his fault- this was his punishment. He tried to ignore the problems he had caused and now he suffered like his other victims._

* * *

The war finally ended and the guardians of their world were restored. Nozomi even managed to save his pitiful life. But Benkei did not stay- not even to attend the wedding of his nephew. All that he left was a short note. (3)

"I can only pray that you will have a much happier marriage, if the gods would listen to the prayer of such a man."

Nozomi and the rest travelled through the route that they believed he had undertaken when he first left the Heiji family in order to find that village. Once they were on the right track, it was not hard to find Kaen's grave, as well as an indication that Benkei had pass through.

It was because only Benkei would place hydrangeas on someone's grave.

"Hydrangeas are the flowers of falsehood." Nozomi recollected Benkei saying this shortly before he left. "They are the flowers a man like me should give as all that I promised her were lies."

Hydrangeas were placed on her grave because Benkei still saw himself as the one who caused her death.

* * *

_(1) Reference to his character song- "Mangetsu no Shizuku wa Biyaku". "This sinner will one day get what he deserves. He will lose you, you, who from the very beginning were going to vanish eventually"_

_(2) When she died, he saw that as his death as well._

_(3) This fic implies Nozomi x Hinoe._

* * *

_**Author's Note**__**:**_ _**This story is a take on the idea of what happened after he left the Heiki family, the idea that he tried to have a new life- a very ordinary life. The story starts in the scene in the OVA, when the village got attack. In this story, this made him think about the same incident that happened on his wedding and this then remind him that he must do whatever he can to stop this.**_


	3. either or

**"Either or"**

* * *

_**Summary:**__** A conversation between Benkei and Kaen (OC) lead to a slight examination on his character. **_

* * *

The first strange sign was Benkei returning without his cloak, and even though he still gave Nozomi a very friendly smile, she could tell that he was rather eager to get away.

"Is someone ill?" Nozomi asked, pointing to the bundle he carried in his hand as she could see some herbs.

"Yes, so that is why I have to go now." Benkei muttered.

"I'll go with you then." Nozomi offered.

"This is not a good idea because it is better for you to not know this person." Benkei said. "Kurou won't be very happy if he find out."

"I won't tell anyone, I promise." Nozomi said. "Besides, haven't I managed to look after Atsumori-kun quite well?"

He spent quite some time thinking before he relented with a nod, adding: "Only if you promise me that you will remain quiet about this. This is because the person I am helping was a maid in the Heiki family- whom I used to know. She is escaping from the Heiki family so she is actually in danger from both families."

"Like Atsumori-kun."

"Yes, but it is not the same situation. But this is why I don't…I can't let anyone know about her."

* * *

They went to a small village and once there, Benkei first slipped some coins into the village leader's hands, insisting that he take it due to the aid he has given him.

"But this is nothing compared to all that you have done for us." The man said as he pocketed the coins very reluctantly. "Then please accept these foods from us as I am sure that she would be hungry too."

Benkei explained to Nozomi that he has gave the village some brief help, but the village leader immediately said that he was much too modest as he had been responsible for so much more.

"To think that I am receiving money from you who has saved and helped so much of us."

Benkei's reaction was quite strange- his expression quickly turned to that of guilt.

"But let us go now." in a brief moment his normal smile was back

* * *

He stopped when he reached a small cottage, and as he raised the curtain that served as the door, he called out: "Kaen, are you awake? Can I come in?"

"It is not as if you will be seeing anything that you haven't seen before, so why do you bother?" was the cynical reply.

The interior of the room only had single mattress and a blanket. Right now, it also served as a chair as the young woman was kneeling on it. She had Benkei's cloak around her as the only other cloth she had on was a thin white kimono that was probably an undergarment. Her hair was also loose and knotted.

"Who is that?" She immediately demanded.

"Kurou's acquaintance." Benkei told her as he sat down in front of her and placed the bundle in between them. "Nozomi-san, can you get some water for me? I need to mix some herbs."

"Why did you bring her here?" Kaen asked as soon as Nozomi left.

"Because it will be useful." Benkei answered simply. He unknotted the bundle and draped a plain kimono on her before he took out a comb and began to comb her hair for her, after he stood up to kneel down behind her.

"I got quite a lot of stuff from your kimono, although I could have got more if I didn't have to exchange it that way." (1)

"My family remained generous to me despite what happened." She said bitterly.

"And what did happen? We have a few more minutes."

"My brother was trying to kill me." her sudden shudder almost caused him to loosen his hold on her hair. "He said that it will be better for me to become an onryuu like him since I can never marry now that I have become soiled good…ow! (2)

"Don't do that!" she said angrily as she turned around. "And don't do this either!" (3)

"Why? How did they know?" he demanded.

"Because I don't want to get married to anyone else." She said bluntly. "So the best way was to tell them the truth: that I had a lover."

"Kaen…"

"I know." She interrupted. "I know why you made that decision."

The curtain was raised very briefly before it was quickly dropped.

"She is back." Benkei remarked out in a very soft whisper to Kaen. "But I think she won't come in until we have finished."

"Then we will finish it." Kaen said firmly. "Alright, what do you plan to do?"

"The answer is the same as what I gave you three years ago. I cannot be with you right now because I must solve this mess. It is what I am obliged to do."

Without saying anything, she embraced him very tightly. The absent physical contact actually made him halt for a moment, before he dropped the comb in order for him to hold a more precious object.

"Kaen…I do miss you so much." He whispered. "I really love you. When everything is over…I will never leave you. I will fulfil the promises that I made three years ago."

She replied by shaking her head and he knew that it was not a denial, but a bitterness at whether it was possible for this whole mess to be over before their death.

"I know it is going to be over soon." He said firmly. "I don't know how, but I do know it will soon be over. Please, just hold on for a bit longer."

"I do not wish it to be over with your death." She finally said bluntly. "Because you are the type of man who would sacrifice yourself. I've been paranoid for these three whole years as I keep wondering whether today will be the day that you do something noble but foolish. Benkei, I do not wish to say good bye again."

"I know, but I have to end this mess. If it is possible then…"

Uttering a cry of great frustration, Kaen pushed him away.

"Benkei, why do you insist on making things worse for yourself?" she said angrily. "Why can't you just make up your mind? If you really believe that what you did three years ago and whatever you choose to do now is the best possible choice, then stop feeling guilty about the consequences. But if you will have a guilt that you can't live with, then don't make that choice." (4)

"You said that to me when you first gave me your body." He said sadly. "But Kaen, what make you think that it would be followed this time?" (5)

She had told him that making love with him would result in her being condemned if this was discovered, but yet told him that if he really wanted her then he should do so and not feel any guilt as this was what she desired. But if he would be tormented by guilt, then he should refuse.

"That is why I say that you are an idiot!" Kaen said in frustration.

* * *

The atmosphere between Benkei and Kaen made Nozomi feel rather awkward so she was quite relieved when they finally left.

"Benkei…goodbye." Kane whispered. "Don't make me say goodbye again. I don't want to say that word to you again."

"This will be the last time." he assured her grimly.

"Benkei-san, why did you take me here?" Nozomi asked when the village was finally out of sight.

"Because I want her to be looked after if I can no longer do so." Benkei said honestly. "Tell Hinoe that she would have been my bride if whatever happens did not happen."

* * *

_(1) He meant that he exchanged it in some black market._

_(2) This seems to imply that Koremori is actually her brother, since he is the one who have this whole idea of destruction is beautiful and being an onryuu is good, although I think it is still a bit vague._

_(3) She is referring to his reaction in regard to how she can't marry due to having had a lover. As she is reminding him that this was a conscious choice made by both of them._

_(4) For me, I feel that this is a major part of his character. I feel that the army incident in chapter three show this very well. He clearly felt bad for having to make that decision- abandoning the people at the rear- letting them die, but yet he knows that it is the only possible decision. What Kaen is trying to say is that if he is going to feel bad and be tormented, then don't make that decision. But if he knows that this is the best decision, then he should not feel guilty._

_(5) His words imply that it failed last time too._

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_ _**Right now I've written three Haruka fan fictions and they are all very different. The first one is an interior monologue by Benkei so that it is a different style of writing then what I usually do. The second one is interesting because I really want to use that idea- that image of a groom being a widow on his wedding day. This one is really more of a conversation but I like it because I feel that it really shows Benkei's character.**_

_**Although I almost wonder whether I am jinxed. This story is meant to end happily. It is actually meant to end with Benkei going to find Kaen and end happily every after- that the two of them will spend the rest of their life together. But my story end up stopping before this.**_


	4. Shiawase part 1

"**Shiawase" (part 1)**

**

* * *

__****Author's Note:** _**Shiawase (**__**幸**__**福**__**) **__**is actually quite a hard word to translate. Most of the time I see it translated as happiness in English but I don't think this is fully accurate. I think in Chinese (**__**幸**__**福**__**) is pretty similar to the japans word, but in English it is quite different. I think it is probably better to say that Shiwase means both happiness and enjoying life, feeling that you are lucky as well.**_

_**This story started off as a one shot but then it ended up being in two parts.**_

_**As always, this story is independent from the previous one shots. In this story, Kaen (OC) and Benkei are actually married.**_

_**This story ends up being in three parts but I actually didn't intend it to be three seprate parts, it was just intended to be a oneshot.**_

* * *

This might well be the last time that he sees her but he was not going to let anyone, especially not her, see how much he actually loved her. He would not let this mask of indifference slip and destroy his three years of hard work.

Even as he acted out the role of the indifferent husband in the final scene of this play that he wrote, he would memorise every detail of her face and body, so that he could summon this vision of her when he finally faced his end.

But this was not how he would choose to remember her: a pair of very sad eyes due to what she just saw. If it wasn't for that then she might be smiling at him as he was actually approaching her without being forced to by his brother.

"Benkei, do you finally wish to divorce me?" she asked. "Is this why you bring that girl there and even kiss her when you know that I would be in that garden?" (1)

"Kaen, you know as well as I that we married due to my brother and your father. We cannot get out of this marriage unless death ends it."

She was the illegitimate daughter of a noble and a peasant girl he took a fancy to when he was very young, while he was the product of rape that was only alive due to the goodwill of his mother's husband. Despite the rest of their family being quite well off, they did not have much chance of being married into a family of equal status. (2)

Marrying one another then solved this problem, only that this marriage of convenience seemed to have ended up as one big failure as the husband must not be able to stand his wife since he only spend one night alone in the same room as her, and that was the inevitable wedding night.

"Yes, I know how reluctant you are, as you protested to your brother during every minute of the arrangement." Kaen said bitterly. "I also know that you didn't want to be burdened with this piece of unwanted good."

Despite knowing how much these words would hurt her, he still said them.

"But why do you wish to see me now?" she asked again.

"This war is getting out of hand and to tell the truth, I don't know whether I can actually survive. If I die," The way he said this made the extremely serious matter sound so light, "You are free to remarry."

"Benkei, you know that I won't remarry so what is the point of this conversation?" Kaen said.

"I am merely telling you that you will be free from all obligations once I die. If you die…I will do the same." He lied very coldly.

She was still young enough to bear children and he thought that she was very beautiful. That was why he was sure that she could find happiness with another man once she forget about him, and he was sure that she would not have the misfortune of being loved by another man who was afraid to love her.

"That is all I want to say."

"Wait." There was a sharpness and authority to her voice that he never heard before, preventing him from leaving.

"When I was still a young girl…before I was taken in by my father, my mother and I lived near a monastery. I had to go to pick herbs from there everyday and I ended up being friends with this young monk who had a similar job. He was also like me because we both bore bloods of nobility that were shameful. (3)

"In time, that friendship changed into love and he would give me flowers whenever we meet. The flowers were," She said very softly, "hydrangeas, as there was a field of hydrangeas near the herbs.

"When I was sixteen my father decided to take me in. The one I love told me that he would leave the monastery and try to achieve some sort of success in his life so that he can marry me. (4)

"So I waited and waited, delayed and prevented all suggestions of marriage because I know that he will come to me and fulfil our promises with some hydrangeas in his hand. And then…"

Luckily, his back was facing her so she won't be able to see his face, or that he was clutching onto the omamori he wore around his neck. (5)

"It is a pity then." Benkei said very coldly, preventing her from reaching the most important bit. "That you didn't manage to wait long enough as you ended up marrying another man."

"Perhaps this is my fate all along." Kaen said very darkly and her hands were shaking as well. "Because the hydrangeas have the meaning of fickleness. However, I will not give up believing that he will return to me."

* * *

Everything would soon be over because Kiyomori would be purified. While Benkei was not idealistic enough to believe that this would stop the war, he knew that the war could not end if this did not happen.

"Finish it…" he whispered as he clutched onto his omamori for support.

Perhaps his grip was extremely hard due to the pain that he was in, or maybe it was because he had clutched onto the omamori for so many times, but the strings snapped, causing it to be opened.

The pair of earrings in the shape of hydrangeas fall out, and it was too late for him to hide them.

"There were meant to be given to Kaen when I asks her to marry me." he explained very sadly as he held the precious objects in his hand. "But I never ended up asking her. I couldn't anymore."

A few months later after these earrings were finished, he made that decision which completely changed and destroyed his life along with numerous others.

Ironically enough, his brother chose to arrange a marriage for him when he was not able to make any woman happy. To be married was bad enough as his wife was destined to suffer, but the worse thing was that Kaen was his victim! He did not want to destroy her life.

He couldn't allow that, that was why he protested against the marriage. When that failed, he decided to treat her in a very cold way so that she would stop loving him as that path would only give her grief, especially when he knew that he could only find redemption with death.

Hydrangeas were the flowers of fickleness but fickleness was not always the same. His feelings changed and fade, yet did not change or fade. His love for Kaen remained, but the way it affected him changed. (6)

He once wanted nothing more then to be with her, but he changed his view after the incident. He wanted Kaen to be happy with someone else because he could not give her any happiness.

* * *

_(1) I think divorce has a very different meaning in society at that time. For a woman, being divorced is not so much just divorced, but being cast away by your husband. If a woman is divorced then it is actually very shameful. _

_(2) In regard to Kaen being illegitimate, I meant that her mother was not her mother's concubine, but just his mistress. As for Benkei, I think I make his past life like this due to reading about the parentage of the real Benkei. _

_(3) Since Benkei ended up being a kusushi I feel that he might have been taught herb lore in the monastery. I felt that Benkei was send to the monastery and due to learning about herb lore he ended up deciding to become a herbalist. _

_(4)__She is two years younger then Benkei (in my fan fics Kaen is always only two years younger then Benkei.) unless I specifically mention it._

_(5) An omamori is a Japanese amulet and they are usually made of cloth and contain paper or pieces of wood. They are sort of like a personal charms and I think they are worn in a variety of way- I think it is very possible that they might be wore around the neck._

_(6) Yet another reference to one of his character songs- "Mangetsu no shizuku wa biyaku" again- this line: "the hydrangeas has the meaning of 'fickleness', these feelings change and fade, yet cannot change nor fade." The main idea is that his feelings were fickle because he has probably promised her that he would always be by her side, but even though he break this promise, it doesn't really meant that his feelings are changing, because he still loves her._

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_ _**I don't really think that Benkei is being out of character due to what he did to Kaen, because we see him doing a similar thing in the actual game. He wishes for those he care about to be happy, even if that meant he would lie to them and let them hate him. In the game, he takes Nozomi as a hostage and does not explain why he did this, risking her hating him. Likewise, in order to make it appear as if he is a traitor to the Genji, he actually mocks Kurou by telling Kurou that he thinks too high of himself.**_


	5. Shiawase part 2

"**Shiawase" (part 2)**

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_ _**As mentioned before, I initially just meant to have the previous one shot stopping there, but then I suddenly had idea of expanding on it, so this is the second part, it follows Benkei's death in the first part…**_

* * *

The news had to be delivered and the task fall to Nozomi because she was the one who was with Benkei when he died, as well as the ones he admitted part of his lies to.

"He…he loved you all along but he pretended otherwise so you won't suffer when he die. He wants you to stop loving him and marry someone else." Nozomi said.

"That idiot!" Kaen whispered out between her tears. "This is not what I want! I will not call this happiness!" (1)

The final of what frail hope she had left was taken away with this news of his death. Despite his attitude toward her in their two years of marriage and reunion, Kaen was sure that the boy who had handed hydrangeas to her was still there.

She believed that he would come for her and fulfil their promise even though he had already missed so much chances and opportunities.

But now they were truly dreams…an unreachable illusion. (2)

"Miko-dono…please excuses me." she whispered out. "I…I would like to be alone."

Nozomi readily agreed- a decision she would end up regretting.

* * *

Kiyomori might have been dead but the war would continue for a while longer, even though the Heiki were now less powerful. But they still had to continue making their plans and preparations.

"I can't get used to this!" Kurou declared out in frustration. "Not having Benkei contributing."

Once again, the mere mentioning of the name created a long silence.

"That was his choice." Ridvan said quietly. "He believed that it was the best choice. Kurou, you must grant his wish of ending the war as that was why he did all this."

"I know!" Kurou said. "But I still cannot accept this, why did he have to be so stupid and do everything himself?!"

The door was thrown open and it was obvious that something drastic has happened because Hinoe didn't bother to give Nozomi any special greeting.

"My father wishes to talk to you as you are the last person my aunt talked to before she…" He told Nozomi. "He doesn't blame you at all, but he still wishes to talk to you."

"Has something happened to Kaen-san?" Nozomi asked worriedly.

Without saying anything, Hinoe handed the piece of paper to her.

It was a very moving letter of farewell to her brother in law, who had been very kind to her. Kaen started by talking about how she first met Benkei, the time she referred to as _"the happiest period of my life. Though I was uncertain of what will happen to me due to my father's reluctance of having anything to do with me, I was sure that Benkei and I will always be together."_

But the story became rather bitter when they parted, as the next time she heard of him would be as a possible husband for her. _"My initial joy turned to shock when I heard that he refused to marry me, even calling me unwanted good"_. The actual marriage was very painful as her happy dreams became like a nightmare because he was completely indifferent to her.

She held on though, with the frail belief that this would change.

But now that her hope was gone, she felt that she had nothing left in this world to continue living for.

"_You can say that this is selfish as Benkei did all this with the hope that I will have a happy life despite his absence, as his goal is to stop me loving him. But this is his vision of my happiness- this is not happiness to me. As he disregards what I want, I will do the same with him."_

"We found her body this morning- she threw herself into the sea." Hinoe said very softly.

"But this…this is so unfair!" Nozomi protested, the first words that she thought of. "Why should this have to happen when it wasn't even his fault?" (3)

She suddenly felt a burning sensation near her chest and looking down, she saw that scale which allowed her to travel through time to save the one that she loved. (4)

Perhaps she could use it again.

Perhaps fate could change…

No, she corrected herself, I will change it.

* * *

When the light cleared, Nozomi quickly scanned the surrounding, only to realise that it was exactly the same as the room she was in.

"No, this can't be!" she yelled out.

"Why, who has dared to upset my adorable mikohime-kun?" Hineo said as he walked into the room, followed by his uncle. It was clear that Hinoe was in his normal good mood.

"Benkei-san!"

"Why, I am very flattered that you are so happy to see me." Benkei said with a smirk towards his nephew.

"Benkei-san, can I please look at your omamori?" Nozomi stretched out her hand to indicate that she wanted to see it by holding it.

"I am afraid that is the one wish that I can't grant you." Benkei said, his voice appeared to be full of regret. "It is extremely valuable so I don't want you to accidentally open it." (5)

"Benkei-san…how long have you been wearing it?" Nozomi pressed on.

"About three years, why?"

"You wore it when you realised that you couldn't marry Kaen-san, didn't you? Because it contains the earrings you wanted to give her. Benkei-san…I understand why you choose to act so indifferent to Kaen-san even though you really loves her, but you are wrong because Kaen-san does not see moving on and being in love with someone else as a form of happiness."

"Nozomi-san, what are you talking about?" Bekei laughed out pleasantly, even as his nephew began to shake his head and arms frantically. He has long learnt that Benkei's marriage was a taboo subject, as that was one of the few things that made his father and uncle have a really bad argument with one another.

"Benkei-san, this letter contains what will happen to Kaen-san if you continue."

* * *

The letter was enough to convince him as it showed a clear knowledge of his plans, in addition to the fact that Nozomi has travelled though time before.

"I am going to show this letter to Kaen-san as well." Nozomi continued firmly.

"Then you might as well take this." saying so, Benkei looped the strings of the omamori off his neck so that he could give it to Nozomi without opening it.

He was at a loss of what he should do as all his plans seemed to be unravelling, even bitterer was the fact that it seemed to be a rather bad plan. Kaen certainly thought so as the first thing she did after she finished learning the truth from Nozomi was to slap him.

He didn't dodge as he felt that he deserved this due to all that he put her through.

"Why are you always like this?" she said even as she began to cry, her hands tightly clenched around that pair of earrings. "Why do you always think that you can decide what my happiness will be? Why won't you let me choose it myself?"

"Always?" Benkei whispered as he enfolded her into his arms, what he had wanted to do for such a long time.

"It was like this on that day as well!" Kaen said angrily. "Just before I went to live in my father's house."

* * *

_Flashback_

_What they feared had finally come true- she would be adopted by her father, which meant that she would be leaving this place._

"_Benkei, I don't want to be parted from you." Kaen whispered as she hugged him very tightly. "I know, why don't we run away together? We can get married and then go and live somewhere far away. You wanted to leave the monastery anyway, didn't you?"_

_There were both still in their teenage years and firmly believed in their love, but this was also why it led to their different views._

"_I don't want to run away, I want to marry you properly." He told her firmly._

"_What does proper matter to us?" she protested._

"_I__ won't have you living the rest of your life as fugitive from your family. You deserve a happier life then that."_

"_What do you want to do then?"_

"_I__ am going to leave the monastery and I will become a kusushi. When the timing is right I will tell my brother that I want to marry you."_

"_How does that help us? No matter what we do, nothing changes our past."_

"_But I will be seen as being rather respectable if I am the kusushi for a powerful noble family. We will marry then, when I am a suitable suitor for you. You deserve that! Kaen, you don't deserve to be gossiped about due to being married to a worthless man."_

_

* * *

"I always make the same mistake, don't I?" Benkei said bitterly._

"Always and always." She said. "We could have been very happy in the two years of marriage. Maybe we would be parents now. I would have been able to continue living on without you if we had happiness together…if I didn't have to constantly wonder why you seem to have forgotten all about me!"

"I am sorry." He told her, his voice barely audible. "I really am."

"My happiness," she said firmly, "Is just being with you with you loving me. And the memory of this is enough to help me live. It is not to forget you."

"I will live and return to you." He whispered as he took her hand and threaded the earrings though her ears. "I don't believe that I have been given this second chance onto to lose it."

* * *

_(1) By happiness, Kaen is really referring to shiawase._

_(2) This is a reference to another of his character song, this seems to be something that ends up being a tradition in this series of one shot. This time it is: "Ajisai no yume de aimashou" At one point of this song he actually said that his dream is an unreachable illusion._

_(3) I really felt that Benkei is much too hard on himself, because what happened really isn't his fault. He was merely trying to help the people of Kyo, but ended up making a mistake._

_(4) No clear pairing so it's up to the readers. Although part three of the story show it as HinoexNozomi._

_(5) Omamori are not meant to be opened, as doing so would make them lose their power._

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_ _**I think the reason these incidents happen in my series of OC is because Kaen and Benkei are rather different in their characters. I feel that Benkei is a bit cautious and he has this greater good theory. His greater good theory is not just harming a few to let the rest prosper, but also a sense of hurting those he cares about due to the belief that this would give them a better future, even if they did not/would not realise it themselves. Kaen is different because she is much more passionate and to an extent, I think she has a stronger sense of "I know what my happiness is and I will be the one to decide this"**_


	6. Shiawase part 3

"**Shiawase" (part 3)**

**

* * *

_Author's Note:_ _I finally did it! This story is a happy-happy story. It takes place after everything is solved._**

_**

* * *

**_The infant girl's sleeping place was right between her parents but because she liked to sleep with one hand clutching onto her parents, they both feel as if they were still holding onto one another.

"This is my happiness." Kaen whispered as she opened her eyes to see both her husband and her daughter resting right beside her.

She and Benkei left his family after Nozomi and Hinoe's marriage. Despite both father and son's protest and insistence of the two of them remaining with them, Benkei still decided to leave and make his living as a kusushi for the common people.

"I want to do this not just because this has been the dream Kaen and I made when we were both teenagers, but because being a kusushi is what I truly wants."

They ended up living in a semi-populate village and in addition to looking after the people of that village, there were also times when Benkei would travel to the nearby villages. Under his patient guidance, she began to prepare herbs for him as well as looking after the herbs he grew.

Their living style was not elaborate at all, but it was more then adequate.

But despite everything, there were still times when she caught him with a very dark and bitter expression on his face that worried and alarmed her. There were also occasions when he would suddenly embrace her very tightly and refuse to let her go, muttering something about how she might disappear if he does.

The arrival of their daughter, however, changed this. Even though Benkei would get exhausted due to the additional duty of looking after her, he would go to sleep each night with a very happy smile, often talking about her. Kaen could tell that he was finally truly happy.

Benkei felt that their daughter was a sign of forgiveness from the two dragon gods.

"Good morning." he whispered softly in order to not wake up their daughter.

"Good morning." She replied with a smile. "Benkei, don't you think that this is a much better happiness then what you planned?"

"Haven't I admitted my mistakes many times? How long do you intend to hold that against me?" Benkei laughed out before he suddenly frowned. "Why is it so noisy outside?"

* * *

It turned out that the noise were due to the visit of the current bettou along with his wife and child, as well as a very large amount of luggage, which was why the villagers were crowding right outside his house.

"Nozomi-san!" Kaen's greeting was very different from her husband's.

"Hinoe, couldn't you travel in a more discreet way?" Benkei commented dryly.

"But they are presents for your daughter since she recently turned one, _ojisan_." Hinoe said, stressing the last word as a way to remind the other being the elderly despite the fact that Hinoe's child was actually older. "We were going to visit on the actual day but due to some accident…"

"Hinoe, why don't you take a look at my home first? Do you think that these things will actually fit?"

"But I can't have people say that I let my own uncle live in starvation and poverty."

As the two men bantered with one another, the two women embraced each other affectionately and exchanged news of what has happened.

"Kaen-san, you are well and happy?" Nozomi asked, recollecting what would have happened if she was not able to travel through time. She did not wish to see such a sad expression again, or experience that sense of deep despair that was reflected in that letter.

"I am very happy." Kaen said. "My husband is happy while my daughter is very healthy and it is clear that they both love me. Therefore, what will prevent me from being happy?"

"But are you comfortable here?" Nozomi asked.

She lived, in her own opinion, too well off, because Hinoe has the hobby of showering gifts on her even though she told him that this was not necessary.

"This is a very comfortable living style for me." Kaen assured her. "Nozomi-san, I was born in a village not very different from this and other then the insults that came due to not having a father, I was actually very happy there."

Especially when she began to pick herbs, because that was how she met Benkei.

"This is the life I am more used to." Kaen said truthfully.

It was certainly much better then the life she had with her father- the fact that she was the unwanted daughter was very clear, so was what he wanted with her: to keep out of everybody's way. Or her first two years of marriage, when Benkei pretended to be indifferent to her.

"And Benkei-san?"

Kaen merely smiled and indicated that Nozomi should see for herself by gesturing to him- who was now examining Hinoe's gifts.

"I don't need these elaborate fabrics but maybe Kaen…" Benkei was saying, moving the rich fabric with the amount of not too fancy accessorises that he picked for his wife to select.

"Benkei, do you really think that I will wear a fancy kimono as I do my chores?" Kaen called out. "I don't need it any more then you."

"What about jewelleries?" Hinoe suggested. "All pretty women deserve to be adorned with them, and I am sure that my niece will need them due to taking after you."

Once again, Kaen shook her head- she didn't even take the jewelleries that were part of her dowry due to their unpractical nature. The only jewelleries she had was the pair of hydrangea earrings.

"Thank you for all this but we have all that we want." Kane suddenly started to laugh along with Hinoe as they saw that Benkei had found some 'toys' that he want instead of need.

Benkei was deeply immense with some books and Kaen knew that he would only put it down until he finished it. They would have to expand his 'study', as it was already at a stage where books were the floor.

"As you can see, Nozomi-san, we are very happy."

* * *

_**Author's Note: I feel that I finally broke free of my curse, as I finally wrote a happy-happy Benkei one shot. I actually didn't end up using any lines from his songs and I have to admit, is it because all his songs has quite a depressed tone and this is a happy-happy fic?**_

_**I think in the actual story he actually continued to live in Kyo (even though he is a kusuhi for the common people) but I just wonder whether he really would want to stay in Kyo after all that happened? But I've seen quite some people who made him become a kusushi in a village.**_

_**I didn't get to mention this but their daughter is meant to be Yuki (snow) as there would be a scene where Benkei says she symbolizes a new start for him.**_


	7. grave

**Grave**

* * *

_**Author's Note:**__**Word of warning here, this is a rather depressing story because I got this idea of this story due to a sudden image in my head: that of Benkei cutting his off and placing it as a grave offering on the grave of the woman that he love. In this story, Kaen is a member of the Taira family- the illegitimate daughter of one of Kiyomori's sons but she and Benkei actually left the Taira family together and married (basically they eloped). However, this marriage is kept as a secret.**_

* * *

Benkei could tell that his wife was awake without needing to open his eyes because she had this rather strange but adorable liking of playing with his hair. Not only would she run her fingers through it, she might even braid part of it.

"What is so fascinating about my hair?" he asked, rolling around to grab her.

"I think it is very pretty." She said, nestling against him. "It seems...warm."

"You must be the only one who thinks so." He muttered, resisting the urge to be bitter. "It is much too pale, just like my skin."

While his hair was a golden brown that was actually much darker then the bright blond hair of the oni people, it was enough to make people gossip, especially due to his parentage. (1)

"I like it." Kaen said again, grabbing a lock she began to wind it around her hand.

This was like her silver bracelet- which was wore as a chain winded around the arm instead of being a single circular hoop. This had been her favourite jewellery- the first gift she received from her grandfather- and it was one of the few possessions she had took from her home.

"My grandfather promised to give me a gold one when I marry but such things are only the pretty dreams of the past." She said with a slight sigh.

"I am still quite surprised that no one is trying to take you back." He muttered.

"Benkei, I am not anyone important." She reminded him. "My grandfather is probably the only one who would care about me but he is…from what you told of me he is dead."

"It is better for you to think this way." He told her gently but firmly, as he sat up. "Kaen, I will probably be gone for quite sometime this time, as Kurou has begun a campaign."

"I understand." She told him, and acceptance was her only choice. "Benkei, next time you come home can you come to a temple with me? I want an omamori with your hair in it."

"Do you think my hair can protect you?" he laughed out. "But I will be very happy to go to a temple. When we go let us pray that the war will end, so that I don't have to travel and leave you."

* * *

He would depart this village with the cloth he wore when he was at home and only change into his other outfit when he arrived in the city. This was partly done to prevent anyone from discovering his other identity.

His naginata was the hardest item to disguise but he still managed to conceal it by disguising it as a staff.

All this seemed to be a sign of how separate these two aspects of his life was- he was almost like an actor, changing his role with his attire. The time he spent with Kaen was so brief that he felt what he desired to be his reality was only a game that he indulged in.

Six months would pass- the longest period of separation he had from Kaen and all this made his home shift from a memory to an illusion.

His chance of visiting Kaen finally came when they arrived in Kumano in order to ask for the aid of the navy. Even though he wanted the war to end he was still rather reluctant to involve Kumano as he saw it as the one place that still remained immune to the full effects of war due to it being neutral.

Which was why he made his 'home' here.

He had barely walked a few steps before he noticed that he was being followed. Judging by the rather clumsy attempts, it must be Nozomi instead of his nephew.

Really, he thought that he made his dislike for this quite clear when he caught her eavesdropping the conversation between he and his brother. The reminder of the conversation a few days ago made him laugh as his brother was really lecturing him about something that he already did.

But this marriage had to be kept as a secret right now.

When he made sure that Nozomi has lost him, he continued on, first getting changed.

* * *

Something was clearly wrong because his arrival was announced out by the children who played at the entrance- children who tended to run to him and ask for one of his herbal sweets.

"Benkei-san…it has been some time." the villager leader himself actually come out to greet him before he invited him in to his home.

"What has happened? Has there been a fire?" Benkei asked in concern as he could see some people re-building houses.

"Benkei-san, I am sorry to tell you this but Kaen-san…Kaen-san has passed away."

This was like a very sharp slap on the face and Beneki was almost tempted to put his hand against his cheeks. Out of all the things he thought about his re-union with Kaen, this had never been a possibility that he entertained.

"How can this be…" he whispered. "She was very well when I left her!"

"Kaen-san and many of the villagers got very ill two months after your departure due to the spread of some disease. Kaen-san insisted to help everyone with your herbs so her recovery had been very slow. But that was not what killed her…

"We were attacked by some bandits and even though we drove them off, a lot of us got injured. Kaen-san refused to rest due to her insistence of treating our wounds. She…she died a few days later as I think her illness took a turn for the worse."

Upon finishing this, the village leader began to wait for the reproach that he was sure would follow. After all, they should have been more persistent in making her rest.

Much to his great surprise, Benkei whispered out: "This is all my fault."

If he was with her then he could have looked after her, she would not need to exhaust herself.

"I am so sorry, Kaen." he whispered.

* * *

The villagers buried Kaen in their cemetery and Benkei noted that the flowers on her grave varied in freshness- it seemed that more then one person had placed flowers there. She would have been very glad at that.

"So this is the result of our pretty dreams." He whispered as he knelt in front of her grave. "Perhaps this is my fate all along- how can I enjoy happiness after all that I did?"

"But Kaen, I had so much stuff to tell you."

The priestess of the white dragon had appeared at it seemed that the person who could purity onryuu has finally arrived, which made his plan to stop Kiyomoro possible.

But maybe this was his punishment. Instead of doing what he had to do, he had been entertaining thoughts of how to get out of this in another way so that he could finally live the life he wants. Kaen's death changed all this." (2)

"I am going to do whatever I can to stop the war and you will not like some of my actions, Kaen." he said softly as he looked at the silver bracelet he was holding in his hand. "But you can yell at me all you want when I see you. (3)

"I don't think it will be very long." He whispered. "But don't be impatient. Wait for me."

His hand closed over his dagger and reaching to the back of his neck with the other hand grabbing the bit of his hair just below the band he used to gather it back, Benkei sliced the dagger through- making his hair as short as the two front strands. (4)

"Wait for me." Benkei said softly as he placed the shorn hair on her grave. That same hair which she was so fond of playing with.

* * *

_(1) This is really inspired by what happened in the Akifumi route in Haruka , where one of the issue is the fact that his hair is rather pale, like his skin. Although I am a bit confused at this. The oni people are said to have bright blond hair (like Akuram and Ridvan) but Shirin's hair is actually this light brown. In fact, I remember thinking: "Gosh, Akifumi's hair is probably blonder then Shirin's hair. But in Haruka 3 the idea of the oni people being prejudiced still seemed to exist so I think Benkei would face some difficulty as his hair is sort of blond brown._

_(2) He means that he thought of alternative ways to end the war instead of having to sacrifice himself, as he saw that as the most secure and safe way._

_(3) This is really saying that things are already in motion, and he would end up dying- sacrificing himself._

_(4) The front two strands of his hair are actually really short, barely chin length._

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_**Author's Note:**_ _**I have to admit that my reason for writing this fiction is rather crazy, because all I really wanted to write is the hair cutting scene, which only three lines, but I ended up writing probably about three pages for it.**_


End file.
